When we think of healing, ang unang pumapasok sa isip natin ay lightness. Yung feeling na gumagaan ang dibdib, yung peace of mind, yung parang finally free ka na. And yes, healing can feel like that sometimes. Pero narealize ko rin… healing isn’t always lightness.

Minsan, healing feels heavy. Minsan, it’s not about letting go, it’s about finally facing what you’ve been carrying for so long.

Yung bigat na matagal mo nang tinatago sa likod ng smile mo. Yung pain na pilit mong inilibing sa “I’m fine.” Yung mga kwento na hindi mo masabi kahit kanino. Healing asks you to finally sit with them, to see them, to name them. And that can feel really heavy.

Pero maybe that heaviness is part of the process. Kasi kapag nakita mo na yung bigat, dun mo siya unti-unting natatanggap. Hindi na siya invisible monster na nasa sulok lang ng isip mo. Instead, nagiging totoo siya: something you can hold, something you can breathe through, something you can slowly release at your own pace.

The other day, I journaled about something I thought I’d already “moved on” from. Pero habang nagsusulat ako, I realized, hindi pa pala. Ang dami ko pa palang dalang words, memories, feelings. For a moment, ang bigat. Pero habang sinusulat ko siya, I felt relief too. Kasi finally, I wasn’t hiding it anymore.

So maybe healing is both: heaviness and lightness. The weight of old wounds and the relief of finally acknowledging them. The tears that fall at night, and the softness of a morning that still comes after.

If you’re in that season right now, don’t think you’re doing it wrong just because it feels heavy. Maybe that heaviness is just your heart finally being honest.

And there’s something freeing in that, too. ✨